关于爱情的种类你了解多少?About Love

发布时间:2020-09-26 06:46:48
作者:煜城

About Love

Anton Chekhov

第二天的午饭是非常美味的馅饼,小龙虾和羊肉片。我们正吃饭时,厨子尼卡诺来问客人们晚上想吃些什么。他是一个中等身材,胖脸,小眼睛的人,齐胡子根刮了脸,这使得看起来他的胡子仿佛不是刮掉的,而是被连根拔掉的。阿列恒告诉我们美丽的帕拉吉爱上了这个厨子,因为他喝酒且性格粗暴,帕拉吉不想嫁给她,但是愿意与他婚外同居。厨子是个很虔诚的人,他的宗教信仰不允许他“过着有罪的生活”。他坚持帕拉吉嫁给他,此外其它的事都答应她,可是他喝醉时经常大骂帕拉吉,甚至打她。无论何时厨子喝醉了酒,帕拉吉就习惯于躲到楼上哭泣,每当这个时候阿列恒和仆人们就待在屋里准备万一需要保护帕拉吉。

At lunch next day there were very nice pies, crayfish, and mutton cutlets; and while we were eating, Nikanor, the cook, came up to ask what the visitors would like for dinner. He was a man of medium height, with a puffy face and little eyes; he was close-shaven, and it looked as though his moustaches had not been shaved, but had been pulled out by the roots. Alehin told us that the beautiful Pelagea was in love with this cook. As he drank and was of a violent character, she did not want to marry him, but was willing to live with him without. He was very devout, and his religious convictions would not allow him to “live in sin”; he insisted on her marrying him, and would consent to nothing else, and when he was drunk he used to abuse her and even beat her. Whenever he got drunk she used to hide upstairs and sob, and on such occasions Alehin and the servants stayed in the house to be ready to defend her in case of necessity.

我们开始谈论爱情。

“爱情是如何产生的呢?”阿列恒说,“为什么帕拉吉在身心上不像爱自己一样地爱别人,她为什么会爱上尼卡诺,那个丑陋的猪嘴——我们所有人都叫尼卡诺‘猪嘴’——个人的幸福跟爱情的结果有多大关系——所有这些问题我们都不明所以;个人能获得的见解只是他从中希望获得的罢了。迄今为止,说到爱唯一无可置疑的事实就是:‘爱是一个大大的谜。’关于爱所说和所写下的一切都不是结论,而只是这个仍然没有答案的问题的陈述罢了。这个解释似乎只适合一份份单独的爱情,而不适用于其它众多的例子。在我看来,最好的做法就是单独解说每一份爱情,而不要企图归纳爱情。就像医生们说的,我们应该个别对待每一个例子。”

“完全正确。”伯京同意。

We began talking about love.

“How love is born,” said Alehin, “why Pelagea does not love somebody more like herself in her spiritual and external qualities, and why she fell in love with Nikanor, that ugly snout—we all call him ‘The Snout’—how far questions of personal happiness are of consequence in love—all that is unknown; one can take what view ones likes of it. So far only one incontestable truth has been uttered about love: ‘This is a great mystery.’ Everything else that has been written or said about love is not a conclusion, but only a statement of questions which have remained unanswered. The explanation which would seem to fit one case does not apply in a dozen others, and the very best thing, to my mind, would be to explain every case individually without attempting to generalize. We ought, as the doctors say, to individualize each case.”

“Perfectly true,” Burkin assented.

“我们这些受过教育的俄国阶层都偏爱那些还没有答案的问题。爱情通常都被诗意化,用玫瑰、夜莺来装饰。我们俄国人却用些重大的问题来装饰爱情,且选择了其中最无趣的部分。在莫斯科读书时,我有一位与我一起生活的朋友,一位迷人的女士,每次我把她抱在怀里,她就在想我这是允许她帮我料理一个月的家务以及一磅牛肉多少钱。同样地,坠入爱河时我们总不厌其烦地问自己:这是合乎名誉的还是违背名誉的,明智的还是愚蠢的,这份爱在通往何处,等等。想这些问题是好事还是坏事我不知道,但是这些问题困扰着你,找不到答案且令人气恼,我就十分清楚了。”

“We Russians of the educated class have a partiality for these questions that remain unanswered. Love is usually poeticized, decorated with roses, nightingales; we Russians decorate our loves with these momentous questions, and select the most uninteresting of them, too. In Moscow, when I was a student, I had a friend who shared my life, a charming lady, and every time I took her in my arms she was thinking what I would allow her a month for housekeeping and what was the price of beef a pound. In the same way, when we are in love we are never tired of asking ourselves questions: whether it is honourable or dishonourable, sensible or stupid, what this love is leading up to, and so on. Whether it is a good thing or not I don’t know, but that it is in the way, unsatisfactory, and irritating, I do know.”

看来阿列恒想吐透一些心事。过着孤独生活的人们心底总会有些渴望倾诉的事。在城里,单身汉们去澡堂和饭馆的目的就是为了跟人说说话,澡堂和饭馆的服务员们不时能从他们那里听到最有趣的事。而通常,在乡下,单身汉们向客人敞开心扉。此时窗外的天空灰蒙蒙的,所有的树木在雨中都湿透了,这样的天气我们哪儿都不能去,除了说故事或者聆听之外无事可做。

It looked as though he wanted to tell some story. People who lead a solitary existence always have something in their hearts which they are eager to talk about. In town bachelors visit the baths and the restaurants on purpose to talk, and sometimes tell the most interesting things to bath attendants and waiters; in the country, as a rule, they unbosom themselves to their guests. Now from the window we could see a grey sky, trees drenched in the rain; in such weather we could go nowhere, and there was nothing for us to do but to tell stories and to listen.

“离开大学后,我在沙非诺生活和务农了很长一段时间。”阿列恒开始了他的故事,“我是一个受过教育的懒散的绅士,一个随性热心的人。可是当我来到这儿时庄园欠下了一大笔债,而我父亲之所以负债部分原因是我花费不小的学费。我决定不走了,而是开始工作直到还清这笔债。我下定决心这么做并开始工作,坦白说,不是一点不动摇的。这里的土地收益并不大,一个人经营农场如果想不赔本必须使用农奴或雇用劳工,这几乎是一码子事;或者把自己等同于农民,就是说,亲自带着一家人下地干活。此外,没有折中的路子。不过那时我还没有探究到这些微妙关系。我不漏过一块未翻耕的土地,把附近村子里所有的农民,无论男人女人都聚到了一起,工作以极大的速度进展着。我亲自耕地,播种,收割,可是烦透了做这一切,就像村子里的猫饿得去吃菜园里的黄瓜一样厌恶得焦眉烂额。我全身疼痛,走路都打瞌睡。起先似乎我能轻易调和这种辛苦的生活与我有教养的习惯,我认为要做到这一点在生活中有必要维持一种固定的表面形式。我把自己安置到楼上这儿最好的房间里,我指示仆人们午饭和晚饭后给我把咖啡和酒端到楼上,每晚上床睡觉时我都要看Vyestnik Evropi。可是一天,我们的牧师伊凡神父来了,一口气喝完了我所有的酒,Vyestnik Evropi也到牧师的女儿们手里去了。夏季,特别是割晒牧草的时候,我根本连床都挨不到,有时睡在谷仓的雪撬上,有时睡在某个森林人的小屋里,哪还有看书的机会?慢慢地我搬到楼下来了,开始在仆人的厨房里吃饭,除了我服侍父亲的仆人,解雇他们会令他们痛苦万分,我之前的奢侈荡然无存。

“I have lived at Sofino and been farming for a long time,” Alehin began, “ever since I left the University. I am an idle gentleman by education, a studious person by disposition; but there was a big debt owing on the estate when I came here, and as my father was in debt partly because he had spent so much on my education, I resolved not to go away, but to work till I paid off the debt. I made up my mind to this and set to work, not, I must confess, without some repugnance. The land here does not yield much, and if one is not to farm at a loss one must employ serf labour or hired labourers, which is almost the same thing, or put it on a peasant footing—that is, work the fields oneself and with one’s family. There is no middle path. But in those days I did not go into such subtleties. I did not leave a clod of earth unturned; I gathered together all the peasants, men and women, from the neighbouring villages; the work went on at a tremendous pace. I myself ploughed and sowed and reaped, and was bored doing it, and frowned with disgust, like a village cat driven by hunger to eat cucumbers in the kitchen-garden. My body ached, and I slept as I walked. At first it seemed to me that I could easily reconcile this life of toil with my cultured habits; to do so, I thought, all that is necessary is to maintain a certain external order in life. I established myself upstairs here in the best rooms, and ordered them to bring me there coffee and liquor after lunch and dinner, and when I went to bed I read every night the Vyestnik Evropi. But one day our priest, Father Ivan, came and drank up all my liquor at one sitting; and the Vyestnik Evropi went to the priest’s daughters; as in the summer, especially at the haymaking, I did not succeed in getting to my bed at all, and slept in the sledge in the barn, or somewhere in the forester’s lodge, what chance was there of reading? Little by little I moved downstairs, began dining in the servants’ kitchen, and of my former luxury nothing is left but the servants who were in my father’s service, and whom it would be painful to turn away.

在最初的几年里我当选为这里的荣誉治安法官。我得经常去城里参加治安协会和巡回法院的会议,这对我来说是一个令人愉快的变化。当连续在这儿住了两三个月后,特别是冬天,终于开始渴望接触有知识有教养的人,哪怕是穿黑外套的牧师。而在巡回法庭里穿各种衣服的人——有穿双排扣常礼服的,有穿制服的,还有穿燕尾服的——所有的律师,男人们都接受过普通教育。我终于有了一些可以进行思想交流的人。经过在雪撬上睡觉和在厨房吃饭后,穿着干净的亚麻布衣服,细薄的靴子坐在靠背椅里,某人的马甲上还挂着表链,这一切是多么的奢侈了啊!

“In the first years I was elected here an honourary justice of the peace. I used to have to go to the town and take part in the sessions of the congress and of the circuit court, and this was a pleasant change for me. When you live here for two or three months without a break, especially in the winter, you begin at last to pine for a black coat. And in the circuit court there were frock-coats, and uniforms, and dress- coats, too, all lawyers, men who have received a general education; I had some one to talk to. After sleeping in the sledge and dining in the kitchen, to sit in an arm-chair in clean linen, in thin boots, with a chain on one’s waistcoat, is such luxury!

“在城里我受到热烈欢迎,我热切地结交各种朋友。说实话,在我所结识的人中最亲密,最合我意的是跟巡回法庭的副庭长卢格诺维奇的相识。你们俩都认识他,一个很有魅力的人。这一切就发生在那个著名的纵火案之后,初步调查持续了两天,我们都筋疲力尽了。卢格诺维奇看着我说:

“‘哎,我说,来跟我一起共进晚餐吧。’

“I received a warm welcome in the town. I made friends eagerly. And of all my acquaintanceships the most intimate and, to tell the truth, the most agreeable to me was my acquaintance with Luganovitch, the vice-president of the circuit court. You both know him: a most charming personality. It all happened just after a celebrated case of incendiarism; the preliminary investigation lasted two days; we were exhausted. Luganovitch looked at me and said:

“ ‘Look here, come round to dinner with me.’

“这有点出乎意料,因为我和卢格诺维奇并不熟,跟他只是职务上的交往,从未去过他家里。我刚刚回旅馆房间换好衣服要出去吃晚饭。这是我命中注定要与卢格诺维奇的妻子,安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜相遇。那时她还很年轻,至多二十二岁,她的第一个孩子刚刚半岁。这都是过去的事了,而现在我发现很难说得清她到底有何例外,以及她那么吸引我的原因。当时,在那次晚宴上,这一切对我非常清晰,我看到了一个年轻可爱,善良聪明而迷人的女人,仿佛之前我从未遇到过一个这样的人。我立刻觉得她是某个我已经很熟悉很亲密了的人,好像那张脸,那诚恳聪慧的眼神,我小时候已在某处——搁在我母亲衣柜里的相册里——见到过了。

“This was unexpected, as I knew Luganovitch very little, only officially, and I had never been to his house. I only just went to my hotel room to change and went off to dinner. And here it was my lot to meet Anna Alexyevna, Luganovitch’s wife. At that time she was still very young, not more than twenty-two, and her first baby had been born just six months before. It is all a thing of the past; and now I should find it difficult to define what there was so exceptional in her, what it was in her attracted me so much; at the time, at dinner, it was all perfectly clear to me. I saw a lovely young, good, intelligent, fascinating woman, such as I had never met before; and I felt her at once some one close and already familiar, as though that face, those cordial, intelligent eyes, I had seen somewhere in my childhood, in the album which lay on my mother’s chest of drawers.

“四个犹太人被指控为纵火犯,被当作是一伙强盗,而在我看来,毫无根据。吃晚饭时我非常兴奋,又局促不安,都不知道自己说了些什么。而安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜不停地挥动着头问她的丈夫:

“‘迪米特里,这是怎么回事?’

“卢格诺维奇是个温厚的人,是那些心思简单的人之一,一旦一个人在法庭之前被指控有罪他就会坚持这个看法,除非以法定的书面形式,绝不会在晚餐桌上与私人会谈时表示对判决正确性的怀疑。

“‘你和我都没有放火烧那地方,’他温和地说,‘你看我们都没有被判有罪,也没有进监狱。’

“Four Jews were charged with being incendiaries, were regarded as a gang of robbers, and, to my mind, quite groundlessly. At dinner I was very much excited, I was uncomfortable, and I don’t know what I said, but Anna Alexyevna kept shaking her head and saying to her husband:

“ ‘Dmitry, how is this?’

“Luganovitch is a good-natured man, one of those simple-hearted people who firmly maintain the opinion that once a man is charged before a court he is guilty, and to express doubt of the correctness of a sentence cannot be done except in legal form on paper, and not at dinner and in private conversation.

“ ‘You and I did not set fire to the place,’ he said softly, ‘and you see we are not condemned, and not in prison.’

“他们夫妻两人都设法让我尽量多吃些,多喝些。从一些不重要的细节里,例如,从他们一起泡咖啡的样子,从他们从只言片语里就能理解对方的情形,我能推断出他们生活得融洽而舒适,而且他们很高兴有人来访。吃过晚饭后,他们表演了钢琴了二重奏。然后天色很晚了,我就回家了。那是初春时分。

“此后,我不间断地在沙非诺度过了整个夏天,也没有时间去想城里的事。但是那些日子里对那个优雅的金发妇人的记忆仍留存在脑海里。我没有去想她,可是她轻盈的影子仿佛就躺在我心里。

“And both husband and wife tried to make me eat and drink as much as possible. From some trifling details, from the way they made the coffee together, for instance, and from the way they understood each other at half a word, I could gather that they lived in harmony and comfort, and that they were glad of a visitor. After dinner they played a duet on the piano; then it got dark, and I went home. That was at the beginning of spring.

“After that I spent the whole summer at Sofino without a break, and I had no time to think of the town, either, but the memory of the graceful fair-haired woman remained in my mind all those days; I did not think of her, but it was as though her light shadow were lying on my heart.

“深秋,城里举行一场以慈善为目的的戏剧演出。中场休息时我接到邀请去了镇长的包厢,我一看,安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜正坐在镇长夫人的旁边。她的美丽温柔,她那亲切的眼神,再一次令我不可抗拒,令我激动不已,我的心里再次涌起了那种亲近的感觉。我们肩并肩地坐着,然后去了休息室。

“她说:‘你瘦了。生病了吗?’

“‘是的,我的肩膀患了风湿,下雨天就睡不着。’

“‘你看起来有些沮丧。春天里,来吃晚饭时,你更年轻,更自信。那时你充满热情,口若悬河,你非常有趣,我必须承认我的心有几分已被你带走了。不知道为什么夏季时我经常想起你,今晚为看演出而做准备时我想我会看到你。’

“然后她笑了。

“In the late autumn there was a theatrical performance for some charitable object in the town. I went into the governor’s box (I was invited to go there in the interval); I looked, and there was Anna Alexyevna sitting beside the governor’s wife; and again the same irresistible, thrilling impression of beauty and sweet, caressing eyes, and again the same feeling of nearness. We sat side by side, then went to the foyer.

“ ‘You’ve grown thinner,’ she said; ‘have you been ill?’

“ ‘Yes, I’ve had rheumatism in my shoulder, and in rainy weather I can’t sleep.’

“ ‘You look dispirited. In the spring, when you came to dinner, you were younger, more confident. You were full of eagerness, and talked a great deal then; you were very interesting, and I really must confess I was a little carried away by you. For some reason you often came back to my memory during the summer, and when I was getting ready for the theatre today I thought I should see you.’

“And she laughed.

“‘可是今天你看起来很沮丧,’她再三地说:‘这使你看上去像是比春天时老了。’

“第二天我在卢格诺维奇家吃午饭。吃过午饭后他们驾车去他们的夏季别墅,为去那儿过冬做安排,我跟他们一起去了。然后又与他们回到城里,午夜时与他们在安静的家庭环境里一起喝茶。当时炉火融融,年轻的妈妈每隔一会就去看看她的宝贝女儿睡着了没有。从那以后,每次去城里我都会去拜访卢格诺维奇一家。他们慢慢习惯了我的到来,我也慢慢习惯了去看望他们。通常我都说来就来,好像我是那个家的一员。

“ ‘But you look dispirited today,’ she repeated; ‘it makes you seem older.’

“The next day I lunched at the Luganovitchs’. After lunch they drove out to their summer villa, in order to make arrangements there for the winter, and I went with them. I returned with them to the town, and at midnight drank tea with them in quiet domestic surroundings, while the fire glowed, and the young mother kept going to see if her baby girl was asleep. And after that, every time I went to town I never failed to visit the Luganovitchs. They grew used to me, and I grew used to them. As a rule I went in unannounced, as though I were one of the family.

“‘是谁啊?’我会听到安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜在远远的房间里问道,在我听来那慵懒的声音多么可爱啊!

“‘是帕韦尔·康斯坦蒂诺维奇,’女仆或者保姆回答道。

“安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜会一脸焦急地向我走来,每次她都会问:

“‘为什么这么久才来?出了什么事吗?’

“她的眼神,她伸给我的美丽优雅的手,她的日常家居衣服,她梳的头发的式样,她的声音,她的脚步,总给我同样的印象,这是我的生活里刚刚获得的非凡的东西,非常重要的东西。我们一聊几个小时,然后静静地想各自的心事,或者她给我弹上几小时的钢琴。如果他们不在家我就留下来等,跟保姆聊聊,和小孩子们玩,或者到书房的沙发上躺着看书。安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜回来时我会迎到大厅里,接下她手里的所有包裹,为了某种原因每次我都会像一个孩子一样满怀爱意,一样一本正经地拿过那些包裹。

‘Who is there?’ I would hear from a faraway room, in the drawling voice that seemed to me so lovely.

“ ‘It is Pavel Konstantinovitch,’ answered the maid or the nurse.

“Anna Alexyevna would come out to me with an anxious face, and would ask every time:

“ ‘Why is it so long since you have been? Has anything happened?’

“Her eyes, the elegant refined hand she gave me, her indoor dress, the way she did her hair, her voice, her step, always produced the same impression on me something new and extraordinary in my life, and very important. We talked together for hours, were silent, thinking each our own thoughts, or she played for hours to me on the piano. If there were no one at home I stayed and waited, talked to the nurse, played with the child, or lay on the sofa in the study and read; and when Anna Alexyevna came back I met her in the hall, took all her parcels from her, and for some reason I carried those parcels every time with as much love, with as much solemnity, as a boy.

“有这么一个

:如果一个农妇没有任何烦恼会买一头小猪。卢格诺维奇夫妇生活顺心,因此他们跟我交朋友。如果我不进城肯定是病了或者发生了什么事,他们夫妇俩就非常担心。他们闷闷不乐于我这个受过语言文学教育的人应该做学问或从事文学工作,却生活在农村,像一只愤怒的松鼠转着圈子狂奔一样辛苦劳作却看不到收获。他们认为我不快乐,我只是说着笑着或用吃东西来掩饰我的痛苦,甚至在我觉得快乐时的高兴时刻我也感觉得到他们直盯盯的搜索的眼神。我真的心情沮丧时他们非常令人感动。当我为一些债主焦虑或没有足够的钱准时偿还利息时,他们俩,丈夫和妻子就会走到窗子旁耳语,然后卢格诺维奇走向我一脸严肃地跟我说:‘帕韦尔·康斯坦蒂诺维奇,如果你目前真的需要钱,我妻子和我请求你别不好意思跟我们借。’

“There is a proverb that if a peasant woman has no troubles she will buy a pig. The Luganovitchs had no troubles, so they made friends with me. If I did not come to the town I must be ill or something must have happened to me, and both of them were extremely anxious. They were worried that I, an educated man with a knowledge of languages, should, instead of devoting myself to science or literary work, live in the country, rush round like a squirrel in a rage, work hard with never a penny to show for it. They fancied that I was unhappy, and that I only talked, laughed, and ate to conceal my sufferings, and even at cheerful moments when I felt happy I was aware of their searching eyes fixed upon me. They were particularly touching when I really was depressed, when I was being worried by some creditor or had not money enough to pay interest on the proper day. The two of them, husband and wife, would whisper together at the window; then he would come to me and say with a grave face:“ ‘If you really are in need of money at the moment, Pavel Konstantinovitch, my wife and I beg you not to hesitate to borrow from us.’

“他会激动得连耳根子都红了。也还会发生这样的情形,同样地经过在窗子边的低声耳语后,卢格诺维奇满脸通红地走向我对我说:

“‘我妻子和我诚恳地请你收下这份礼物。’

“他会送给我几颗钮饰,一个雪茄盒或是一盏灯,而我将回送他们从乡下带来的野味,黄油和鲜花。顺便提一下,他们夫妻相当富有。早期我经常借钱,跟任何缺钱的人一样——从任何我借得到钱的地方借——可是无论如何都不能促使我向卢格诺维奇借钱。唉,为什么说这些呢?

“And he would blush to his ears with emotion. And it would happen that, after whispering in the same way at the window, he would come up to me, with red ears, and say:

“ ‘My wife and I earnestly I beg you to accept this present.’

“And he would give me studs, a cigar-case, or a lamp, and I would send them game, butter, and flowers from the country. They both, by the way, had considerable means of their own. In early days I often borrowed money, and was not very particular about it—borrowed wherever I could—but nothing in the world have induced me to borrow from the Luganovitchs. But why talk of it?

“我闷闷不乐。在家里,在地里,在牲畜棚里,我都在想她。我苦苦思索一个美丽、聪明的年轻女人为什么要嫁给一个无趣、几乎可以做她父亲的人(她丈夫已四十出头),还跟他生孩子;想弄懂这个无趣、善良、心思简单的男人,在舞会和晚会上一直待在更刻板的人身边,用令人厌烦的机智争论着,看上去倦怠而多余,脸上的表情顺从而无动于衷,就像他被带到那儿出售一样,为什么还认为他有权利快乐,有权利有她的孩子。且我一直想弄清楚为什么她先遇到的是他而不是我,为什么在我们的生活里要发生这么一个可怕的错误。

“I was unhappy. At home, in the fields, in the barn, I thought of her; I tried to understand the mystery of a beautiful, intelligent young woman’s marrying some one so uninteresting, almost an old man (her husband was over forty), and having children by him; to understand the mystery of this uninteresting, good, simple-hearted man, who argued with such wearisome good sense, at balls and evening parties kept near the more solid people, looking listless and superfluous, with a submissive, uninterested expression, as though he had been brought there for sale, who yet believed in his right to be happy, to have children by her; and I kept trying to understand why she had met him first and not me, and why such a terrible mistake in our lives need have happened.

“我去城里时每次都从她的目光里看到她在期待着我,并且她会亲自对我承认在所有的那些天里她有一种特殊的感觉猜想我应该来了。我们长时间地交谈,沉默,但是都不承认爱着对方,而是胆怯猜疑地隐藏起对对方的爱。我们害怕可能向我们自己暴露出我们秘密的任何事情。我温柔地深深地爱着她,但是我一直在细想这份爱,一直在问自己如果我们没有力量抗拒这份爱,这份爱能通往何方。似乎难以置信我温柔、悲伤的爱可能突然粗暴地打破她的丈夫,她的孩子,以及我如此热爱和信赖的这个家庭的平静的生活进程。这是合乎名誉的吗?如果她愿意跟我走,可是能走到哪儿去呢?我能带她去哪里呢?如果我有一份美好、有趣的生活就是另一回事了——例如,要是我一直在努力摆脱农村,或者要是我是一个著名的学问家,或者艺术家或者画家就好了。可是那样就将意味着把她从每天的单调生活里带到另一种单调甚至可能更加单调的生活里。而我们的幸福会持续多久呢?万一我病了,万一我死了,或者如果我们只是对彼此变得冷漠了,她将会怎么样呢?

“And when I went to the town I saw every time from her eyes that she was expecting me, and she would confess to me herself that she had had a peculiar feeling all that day guessed that I should come. We talked a long time, and were silent, yet we did not confess our love to each other, but timidly and jealously concealed it. We were afraid of everything that might reveal our secret to ourselves. I loved her tenderly, deeply, but I reflected and kept asking myself what our love could lead to if we had not the strength to fight against it. It seemed to be incredible that my gentle, sad love could all at once coarsely break up the even tenor of the life of her husband, her children, and all the household in which I was so loved and trusted. Would it be honourable? She would go away with me, but where? Where could I take her? It would have been a different matter if I had had a beautiful, interesting life—if, for instance, I had been struggling for the emancipation of my country, or had been a celebrated man of science, an artist or a painter; but as it was it would mean taking her from one everyday humdrum life to another as humdrum or perhaps more so. And how long would our happiness last? What would happen to her in case I was ill, in case I died, or if we simply grew cold to one another?

“同样地,显然她也有充分的理由。她要考虑她的丈夫,孩子,还有她的母亲,她母亲爱她父亲就像爱孩子一样。如果她放纵自己到感情里她将不得不说谎,要不然说出事实真相,以她的地位这两种后果都同样糟糕和不便。且她还要受到她的爱是否将带我给幸福这个问题的折磨——事实上,我的生活已经够辛苦和困难重重了,她不会使我的生活更复杂吗?她认为对我来说她不够年轻了,要开始一种新生活她既不勤奋也没有足够的精力。她常常跟她丈夫说娶一个聪明的好女孩对我来说很重要,她会成为我的助手,成为一个能干的主妇,不过她会立刻补充说要在全城找到一个这样的女孩子并不容易。

“And she apparently reasoned in the same way. She thought of her husband, her children, and of her mother, who loved the husband like a son. If she abandoned herself to her feelings she would have to lie, or else to tell the truth, and in her position either would have been equally terrible and inconvenient. And she was tormented by the question whether her love would bring me happiness—would she not complicate my life, which, as it was, was hard enough and full of all sorts of trouble? She fancied she was not young enough for me, that she was not industrious nor energetic enough to begin a new life, and she often talked to her husband of the importance of my marrying a girl of intelligence and merit who would be a capable housewife and a help to me—and she would immediately add that it would be difficult to find such a girl in the whole town.

“这几年时间就这么过去了。安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜已经有了两个孩子。当我来到卢格诺维奇家时,仆人们都对我露出亲切的笑容,孩子们大叫着帕韦尔·康斯坦蒂诺维奇叔叔来了,吊到我脖子上,每个人都欣喜若狂。他们不知道我的内心在经历怎样的挣扎,认为我也是高兴的。每个人都把我看作一个贵族。大人们和孩子们都觉得一个高贵的人正穿梭在他们的家里,这使得他们对我的态度有一种特殊的吸引力,仿佛他们的生活有了我也更纯净和更美好了。安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜和我经常一起去剧院,总是走着去。我们常常肩膀擦着肩膀,并排坐在前排座位里。我会一言不发地从她手里拿过观剧望远镜,感觉那一刻她就在我身旁,她就是我的,没有对方我们将活不下去。可是由于某些奇怪的误解,走出剧院我们总是仿佛陌生人一样说再见分手了。天知道镇上已经有些什么人在谈论我们了,可是完全没有一句真话!

“Meanwhile the years were passing. Anna Alexyevna already had two children. When I arrived at the Luganovitchs’ the servants smiled cordially, the children shouted that Uncle Pavel Konstantinovitch had come, and hung on my neck; every one was overjoyed. They did not understand what was passing in my soul, and thought that I, too, was happy. Every one looked on me as a noble being. And grown-ups and children alike felt that a noble being was walking about their rooms, and that gave a peculiar charm to their manner towards me, as though in my presence their life, too, was purer and more beautiful. Anna Alexyevna and I used to go to the theatre together, always walking there; we used to sit side by side in the stalls, our shoulders touching. I would take the opera-glass from her hands without a word, and feel at that minute that she was near me, that she was mine, that we could not live without each other; but by some strange misunderstanding, when we came out of the theatre we always said good- bye and parted as though we were strangers. Goodness knows what people were saying about us in the town already, but there was not a word of truth in it all!

“后来的几年里安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜开始时常去看望她母亲或去她姐姐那。她开始情绪低落,开始认为她的生活被扰乱,并感到不满了,她有时不再关心她的丈夫,也不关心她的孩子了。她已开始接受神经衰弱的治疗。

“我们在一起时除了沉默还是沉默。而在外人面前她对我表现出一种奇怪的愤怒,不管我说什么,她都跟我唱反调,要是我与人争论,她就支持我的对手。如果我掉了什么东西,她会冷冷地说:

“‘恭喜你了。’

“去剧院时如果我忘了拿观剧望远镜,过后她会说:

“‘我知道你会忘记的。’

“In the latter years Anna Alexyevna took to going away for frequent visits to her mother or to her sister; she began to suffer from low spirits, she began to recognize that her life was spoilt and unsatisfied, and at times she did not care to see her husband nor her children. She was already being treated for neurasthenia.

“We were silent and still silent, and in the presence of outsiders she displayed a strange irritation in regard to me; whatever I talked about, she disagreed with me, and if I had an argument she sided with my opponent. If I dropped anything, she would say coldly:

“ ‘I congratulate you.’

“If I forgot to take the opera-glass when we were going to the theatre, she would say afterwards:

“ ‘I knew you would forget it.’

“不知道是幸运还是不幸,在我们的生活中没有不散的筵席。因为卢格诺维奇被指派为西部一个省份的主席,离别的日子终于到来了。他们不得不卖掉他们的家具,马,和夏季别墅。当他们驾车去别墅时,然后回想到他们是最后一次去看看那花园,那绿色的屋顶,每个人都很难过,而我知道我不得不说再见的不只是别墅而已。已经安排好八月底我们给安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜送行,她去克里米亚,那里的医生正在照看她。紧接着卢格诺维奇和孩子们动身去西部省份

“Luckily or unluckily, there is nothing in our lives that does not end sooner or later. The time of parting came, as Luganovitch was appointed president in one of the western provinces. They had to sell their furniture, their horses, their summer villa. When they drove out to the villa, and afterwards looked back as they were going away, to look for the last time at the garden, at the green roof, every one was sad, and I realized that I had to say good-bye not only to the villa. It was arranged that at the end of August we should see Anna Alexyevna off to the Crimea, where the doctors were sending her, and that a little later Luganovitch and the children would set off for the western province.

“我们一大群人去给安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜送行。当她跟她的丈夫和孩子们道完别后,还有一分钟第三次铃就要响了。我跑进她的车厢把一个篮子——她差点忘记了——放上行李架,然后我不得不跟她说再见了。在车厢里四目相对时我们精神上的坚韧土崩瓦解,我把她抱进怀里,她把脸庞压到我的胸膛上,泪如雨下。我吻她的脸庞,她的肩头,她被泪水打湿了的双手——唉,多么悲痛欲绝啊!——承认了对她的爱。在强烈的心痛中我意识到那阻止我们相爱的所有问题是多么多余,多么微不足道而虚伪。我懂得了当爱上一个人时必须在你对那份爱的评价中,认为那份爱是最高尚的开始去爱;或者在幸福或不幸,过失或美德的众所公认的意义中,认为爱比它们更重要地开始去爱。或者根本不必想什么,只管大胆去爱。

We were a great crowd to see Anna Alexyevna off. When she had said good-bye to her husband and her children and there was only a minute left before the third bell, I ran into her compartment to put a basket, which she had almost forgotten, on the rack, and I had to say good-bye. When our eyes met in the compartment our spiritual fortitude deserted us both; I took her in my arms, she pressed her face to my breast, and tears flowed from her eyes. Kissing her face, her shoulders, her hands wet with tears—oh, how unhappy were!—I confessed my love for her, and with a burning pain in my heart I realized how unnecessary, how petty, and how deceptive all that had hindered us from loving was. I understood that when you love you must either, in your reasonings about that love, start from what is highest, from what is more important than happiness or unhappiness, sin or virtue in their accepted meaning, or you must not reason at all.

“我最后一次吻了她,紧握了一下她的手,然后永远地离开了。火车已经开了,我走进下一个车厢里——那是一个空车厢——一直坐在那儿哭直到火车抵达下一个站。然后回到沙非诺的家……。”

“I kissed her for the last time, pressed her hand, and parted for ever. The train had already started. I went into the next compartment—it was empty—and until I reached the next station I sat there crying. Then I walked home to Sofino….”

在阿列恒讲述他的故事时,雨停了,太阳出来了。伯京和伊凡·伊凡诺维奇去了阳台,从那儿能看到花园和磨坊池塘那边的美丽景色,磨坊池塘此刻在阳光下像镜子一样闪闪发光。他们赞赏这美丽的景色,同时伤感目光亲切睿智的阿列恒——他饱含真情地给他们讲述了这个故事——一直像轮子上的松鼠一样旋转不息地在这个巨大的庄园里奔忙,而不去做学问或从事其它将使他的生活更舒心的工作;他们还想到了当阿列恒在火车上跟她道别并亲吻她的脸庞和肩头时安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜必定悲痛欲绝的脸。他们两人都在城里见过她,伯京还认识安娜·阿列克丝耶夫娜,认为她真是一个美人。

While Alehin was telling his story, the rain left off and the sun came out. Burkin and Ivan Ivanovitch went out on the balcony, from which there was a beautiful view over the garden and the mill-pond, which was shining now in the sunshine like a mirror. They admired it, and at the same time they were sorry that this man with the kind, clever eyes, who had told them this story with such genuine feeling, should be rushing round and round this huge estate like a squirrel on a wheel instead of devoting himself to science or something else which would have made his life more pleasant; and they thought what a sorrowful face Anna Alexyevna must have had when he said good-bye to her in the railway-carriage and kissed her face and shoulders. Both of them had met her in the town, and Burkin knew her and thought her beautiful.

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